My deployed Army Wife/Military Spouse Release

I probably should have started doing this several months ago, but I guess "better late than never" right? The first 5 mos or so that my husband was in Iraq, I couldn't even find the time to tie my shoes, let alone write in a diary or journal of some sort. I have two babies, a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old. No, it wasnt planned, lol. But never the less, I am truly blessed to have such healthy, handsome, and completely opposite boys. I am the type of person who likes to stay busy, and look at the time and say "wow, I cant believe its 5pm already". Because staying busy makes the days go by faster. And another day down, is another day closer to seeing my husband again. I could never have imagined that... 1. My life would be shadowed by the military 2. that I would be able to survive a life like this....being married to the Army, with 2 babies, and then have my husband deploy for 12+ months...and 3. that I'm not going crazy right now because of all the ups and downs, and curve balls and everything else that comes along with the Army. I'm not really sure how I stay focused, and not get caught up in the depression of not being with my soul mate, I guess maybe I'm stronger than I think I am. But one thing is for sure, this life is H-A-R-D, hard! Like many other Army wives and military spouses, (1) I pay all the bills...God forbid I miss one or pay it late! The credit card company isnt gonna care about what I'm going thru or why I might be late. (2) I take care of 2 small children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week....and those of you who have kids know what its like to not get a break or barely any sleep. I love my kids, but there is only a certain amount of non-stop stress that one person can take. (3) I cook, I clean, I get the oil changed in the family car, I do the laundry, I change many, many diapers a day, I take care packages to the post office, I go grocery shopping, and I take care of the family pet- Hunter(black Lab)....all by myself. Not to mention I am the sole protector of my kids, so I need to be experienced in either shooting a pistol or in the Karate field, lol. Yes, this is what our lives (the military spouse) are all about. Most people, look at me and my life and wonder what it must be like... then I have those who ask me "How do you do it?" or they say "I dont know how you do it!" I just look at them and smile and say "I dont have a choice, this is my life. This is my life because I married the man I love, BEFORE he enlisted. I dont have control over that. And I'm still here because I know my husband needs me and I need him, and I believe in him, and the reasons why he joined." That's it, and its the truth. I dont support the war, but I support my husband and the fact that he's a hero not only in my eyes, but also in the eyes of a lot of other americans. Millions of people may not know my husband personally, but when they speak of heros in Iraq, and of supporting our troops, they're talking about HIM. And there's a certain sense of pride that goes along with that. Yes this is my life.....i stay strong during the day by staying busy, I stay strong for my kids so they dont worry about daddy, and I stay strong for my soldier-my husband whos fighting to stay alive and come home to us. But, at the end of the day, when I close my bedroom door and say goodbye to today and hello to tomorrow, I often cry myself to sleep, all while praying and thanking God that he's still ok and to ask for another day to see my soldier again. I'm not perfect by any means, nor do I try to be - I am an Army Wife.